Zzzzzz....

I live with constant tiredness.  I can hardly get out of bed in the morning and then I can hardly wait for bed time to come around again.  I try to avoid naps....it just makes it that much harder to fall asleep that evening.  I must keep active or I'll just end up in bed for a nap because I can hardly keep my eyes open while sitting at the computer or while watching TV or reading a book or, worst of all, driving!

I used to blame my life style:

When I was a teen, I woke very early to attend an early morning bible class called Seminary.  I was also very active in school with track, marching band and riding horses.   Weekends was spent with friends either at dances or the roller rink or cruising Market St.  Sleep was not on the top of my to-do list!

After graduation from high school, I went off to Rick's College in Rexburg, ID.  College life certainly did not lend an atmosphere of restfulness.  And I was WAY too social to spend my evenings just sitting in the dorm or having a decent bed time.  Dancing, chasing boys, playing in the snow, wandering the campus were my normal evening activites--lots of things to do to keep me from dream-land.

After that one year at college, I became very active in the Young Adult groups at my church.  Once again, there were lots of activities to occupy my life.  Dating was ALWAYS at the top of my list of things to do.  Also, I started working a lot and still had a horse or two to keep me busy. 

I finally got engaged and married at the ripe old age of 24.  Marriage did not help the sleep situation.  Being in the same bed with someone--even a KING sized bed--kept me from sleeping well.  Every time he moved it woke me.  I'm a light sleeper, I concluded.  Getting pregnant added a whole new element to sleep.  As I got bigger, I got more uncomfortable, thus making sleep harder, and making bathroom runs more frequent. 

Having kids totally knocked me off my feet!  I was in a dazed condition most all the time.  They boys were the worst.  Max got up so often at night to eat that I'd fall asleep sitting up in bed with him still nursing.  I'd wake up with a kink in my neck from my head falling forward and a sleeping baby on my lap....with a dried line of milk where it had drooled down his cheek from his mouth to his ear.

Austin woke up every night for at least five years for one reason or another:  hungry, wet, scared, potty-training, he heard something.  I didn't think I would ever sleep through the night again!

I finally came to a time in my life where the kids were older and I thought I really should be sleeping and feeling better, but I never did feel like I was refreshed in the mornings.  I still drug around during the days and constantly wanted to just be in bed again.  It acured to me that maybe I had something wrong with me.  *lightbulb*!

I knew that I snored.....I was informed of that while at girls' camp one year.  It was news to me, but I had heard if from several sources....so it must be true.  I also found out that I had an abnormal thyroid.  Fixing the thyroid problem did not help.  So next was a sleep test to find out if the snoring was an indication of sleep apnea.   The test came back after a horrible sleep-test experience (that's another blog!).  I have severe sleep problems but only a slight case of apnea.  huh??  So.....how do we fix this?  They don't know!  OH!  Let's fix her by giving her sleeping pills.  After trying different kinds, I find that I do sleep better with Lunesta.  But when I went to go get a prescription filled for it, I found out that it's going to cost me over $100 a month..... just so I can sleep better!  grrrr.  The other problem with the sleeping pills is that you HAVE to be in bed within a half hour of taking them and you have to make sure that you have at least 8 hours in bed to sleep them off.  Talk about losing control on your life!  Forget it!  I'll just deal with the tiredness.

One thing I did change on my own was not sharing a blanket with Jim.  He was not happy about it at first, but he's learned to live with it.  I did that because I realized that every time he turned over he'd take the blanket with him and it would wake me.  It would wake me even more if I had to pull it out from under him to cover myself back up!  It has helped a lot since making that change.

I've make up my mind that I'll just have to live like this.  I'm sure it's because of my chronic tiredness that I have no motivation for much of anything:  housework, exersize, raising kids, being romantic, etc.  It stinks, but that's my life.  I'll trudge along with forever thoughts of bed and what joy sleep brings. 

When I die, and I lose this tired, ol' body, you'll see a new me, I'm sure!  I'll be up-beat and energetic.  I'll flit from here to there all the time, with endless energy to do whatever I want!  I so look forward to that!  And I hope you are all there to see it!!!