Letting Go.

I lived and grew up in the same house all my life.  I was even concieved in that house!  My dad built it.....that is what he did was build houses.  He had built several that they had moved into then sold just to move into another one that he had build.  This was the last one for our family:  A tri-level, blue house that holds lots of memories for me.  I spent the better part of 23 years in that house, and I loved every part of it!

I moved out of that house a total of six times as a young adult.  Each time, I didn't know if I'd be coming back.....who knows what could happen in the short time you're gone?  The first time I moved was when I went off to college shortly after graduating from high school.  I was only gone for two semesters....not long at all.  But I could have easily have found a husband in that time!  But I didn't so it was back home for me!.....

Next I moved out to live with my cousin.  She needed a nanny and I needed to get away, so it worked out well for both of us.  That only lasted six months or so.  Back home again.....   Next it was another nanny job.  (How does this happen to me??  I really didn't even like kids!)  I had been recommended by someone, and after an interview and short visit with the family, I was hired.  That was in Palm Deseret.  It didn't last but seven months.  I got bored of it and besides, I was offered a job at a Thoroughbred farm!  Wow!  How could I pass THAT up??  I moved straight from Palm Desert to Palm Dale in the heat of the summer!  Ugg!  I could only hack the heat and hard, six-days-a-week work for ONE month!  Back home....AGAIN!  After that I moved in with my sister.....once again, to get away.  I don't recall that lasting more than just a couple of months before I was back home to that blue house!

My best friend at the time was Michelle.  She and her husband had just moved into a house with horse property!!  And they had an extra room that they wanted to rent out!!  I couldn't resist!  It was not too far from home, and it was sure wonderful to have my horse in my back yard and miles of riding behind that!  It was great while it lasted, but I decided that I didn't need to spend the money it took to live on my own.  There really was no point in it when I could live for free at....HOME!  So home is where I went.

Each time I moved out and then back home, I was always welcomed.  I never felt the pressure to move out....to "grow up and be on your own".  Even though it was never verbalized, I knew I was welcome to stay as long as I needed.  I knew I didn't WANT to stay forever....I wanted to get married and have a life!  But I always felt like that house was HOME and would always be mine.

It was not long after that last move-in that I met and married Jim.  Of course, we lived on our own, out of the parents' house...thank heavens!  Shortly after we married, we moved to Washington.  We lived there over three years when the feeling hit both of us that we need to be back in California.  We were not sure why, but we both were having the tug and so we obeyed.  There was no job to go down to, so we moved back into (you guessed it!) the blue house!  We lived there one year while Jim found a job and got us up on our feet.  We moved out to Highland into an apartment of our own not knowing that that was the last time I would move out of that beloved house. 

It was several years after Jim and I had moved back to California that I figured out why we felt the tug to be back.  Both of my parents got sick and died within 18 months of each other.  I will ever be thankful that we heard the whisperings of the Spirit that told us where we needed to be.  Because of that, my kids got to know their grandparents, and we were there during their ordeal to help.....to be there through those last precious years of their lives!   I miss them terribly.

I inherited quite a few things from them.....my mom was a collector of fine nick nacks and now many of them are now with me.  I do love them.  But the house.....the house had to be sold.  That wonderful blue house!  The couple who bought it were young with a small child.  They were very nice to us.  They told us that we could come and walk through the house whenever we wanted to....we did it twice.  I did love doing that, even though they had changed much about it to suit their tastes.

Several months ago, my sister informs me that it is now in foreclosure.  My precious blue house......

Jim and I took a trip to California last month so I could attend a school reunion.  I wanted to drive by the house.....maybe even get out and talk to the people for the last time, or take pictures.  Funny thing.....I really didn't have any emotions when we sat in front of that still-blue house.   I felt like that house was just that.....a house.  It wasn't my house any more:  it was the bank's house now and soon it would be some stranger's house.  I told Jim to just drive away.

I loved that house, yes.  But I realized that is was not really the house that I loved....it was the memories that it held that I love---that made it a HOME!   You can take the house away, but you can't take away all the years of living and laughing and sorrow and love that existed there.  That will stay with me forever. 

And that is, by FAR, more precious to me than any blue house EVER will.