I've never really thought about it much before, but I've never written down a bucket list. Maybe because I don't like the word "bucket list". It sounds like you are working toward your death. I don't plan on dying any time soon, but I do know there are some things in life I'd really like to do some day. I've actually done some pretty amazing things so far.....a lot of them that most people wouldn't ever be able to do.....they're fun to think about and share with people cuz they are so cool. Just a few off the top of my head:
1. I marched in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade with my high school marching band in 1981.
2. I participated (like, ON the field) in a pre-game show for a Super Bowl. It was in San Diego. I don't remember the year.....like, 1986..??
3. I've been to Washington DC twice, Hawaii twice and on a cruise twice.
4. I've been to the top of the World Trade center.
5. I've been to Disneyland at least 30 times in my life. Quite a few of those times were free!
6. I went to President Hinckly's 95th birthday party in the Conference center.
7. I've seen "Annie" on Broadway and also the Rockettes!
8. I've participated in 4 (so far) musicals on stage here in Roseburg, OR.--"Cinderella", "Peter Pan", "Judge Dundson's Secret" and "Annie".
9. Swam with wild dolphins when we were in Hawaii.
Anyway, so I think I'll just start making a list here so I can refer to it as needed.
1. Ride a horse on a hunt....like they do in England for fox (I don't need to be actually hunting anything).
2. Take a real good river raft trip.
3. See all the National parks, monuments, etc. in America.
4. Fly an ultralight
5. Participate in a Flash Mob.
6. Take dance classes.
7. Lead an orchestra in Tchrocoski's (sp) "1812 Overture".
8. Sing the National Anthem somewhere good. (I wouldn't even be embarrassed that I'm not all that good!)
9. Train and participate in a cross country event on horseback.
10. Own either a Gypsy Vanner or an Alkatek (sp), or both!--these are horse breeds. I wouldn't turn down a Fresian, either. hehe
11. Do the timed trial in an "average-priced vehicle" on Top Gear.
12. Visit all the LDS Temples in the world.
13. Go on a mission with my husband.
14. Get financially free! (Go AdvoCare!)
15. Go deep-sea fishing.
16. Shake hands with a prophet.
17. Get a concealed weapon's permit....and actually own a gun to do it with!
Well, that's a start. I didn't even mention all the places I want to travel. That would make the list way too long. Let's just say that I'd travel the world if I could. hehe.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Letting Go.
I lived and grew up in the same house all my life. I was even concieved in that house! My dad built it.....that is what he did was build houses. He had built several that they had moved into then sold just to move into another one that he had build. This was the last one for our family: A tri-level, blue house that holds lots of memories for me. I spent the better part of 23 years in that house, and I loved every part of it!
I moved out of that house a total of six times as a young adult. Each time, I didn't know if I'd be coming back.....who knows what could happen in the short time you're gone? The first time I moved was when I went off to college shortly after graduating from high school. I was only gone for two semesters....not long at all. But I could have easily have found a husband in that time! But I didn't so it was back home for me!.....
Next I moved out to live with my cousin. She needed a nanny and I needed to get away, so it worked out well for both of us. That only lasted six months or so. Back home again..... Next it was another nanny job. (How does this happen to me?? I really didn't even like kids!) I had been recommended by someone, and after an interview and short visit with the family, I was hired. That was in Palm Deseret. It didn't last but seven months. I got bored of it and besides, I was offered a job at a Thoroughbred farm! Wow! How could I pass THAT up?? I moved straight from Palm Desert to Palm Dale in the heat of the summer! Ugg! I could only hack the heat and hard, six-days-a-week work for ONE month! Back home....AGAIN! After that I moved in with my sister.....once again, to get away. I don't recall that lasting more than just a couple of months before I was back home to that blue house!
My best friend at the time was Michelle. She and her husband had just moved into a house with horse property!! And they had an extra room that they wanted to rent out!! I couldn't resist! It was not too far from home, and it was sure wonderful to have my horse in my back yard and miles of riding behind that! It was great while it lasted, but I decided that I didn't need to spend the money it took to live on my own. There really was no point in it when I could live for free at....HOME! So home is where I went.
Each time I moved out and then back home, I was always welcomed. I never felt the pressure to move out....to "grow up and be on your own". Even though it was never verbalized, I knew I was welcome to stay as long as I needed. I knew I didn't WANT to stay forever....I wanted to get married and have a life! But I always felt like that house was HOME and would always be mine.
It was not long after that last move-in that I met and married Jim. Of course, we lived on our own, out of the parents' house...thank heavens! Shortly after we married, we moved to Washington. We lived there over three years when the feeling hit both of us that we need to be back in California. We were not sure why, but we both were having the tug and so we obeyed. There was no job to go down to, so we moved back into (you guessed it!) the blue house! We lived there one year while Jim found a job and got us up on our feet. We moved out to Highland into an apartment of our own not knowing that that was the last time I would move out of that beloved house.
It was several years after Jim and I had moved back to California that I figured out why we felt the tug to be back. Both of my parents got sick and died within 18 months of each other. I will ever be thankful that we heard the whisperings of the Spirit that told us where we needed to be. Because of that, my kids got to know their grandparents, and we were there during their ordeal to help.....to be there through those last precious years of their lives! I miss them terribly.
I inherited quite a few things from them.....my mom was a collector of fine nick nacks and now many of them are now with me. I do love them. But the house.....the house had to be sold. That wonderful blue house! The couple who bought it were young with a small child. They were very nice to us. They told us that we could come and walk through the house whenever we wanted to....we did it twice. I did love doing that, even though they had changed much about it to suit their tastes.
Several months ago, my sister informs me that it is now in foreclosure. My precious blue house......
Jim and I took a trip to California last month so I could attend a school reunion. I wanted to drive by the house.....maybe even get out and talk to the people for the last time, or take pictures. Funny thing.....I really didn't have any emotions when we sat in front of that still-blue house. I felt like that house was just that.....a house. It wasn't my house any more: it was the bank's house now and soon it would be some stranger's house. I told Jim to just drive away.
I loved that house, yes. But I realized that is was not really the house that I loved....it was the memories that it held that I love---that made it a HOME! You can take the house away, but you can't take away all the years of living and laughing and sorrow and love that existed there. That will stay with me forever.
And that is, by FAR, more precious to me than any blue house EVER will.
I moved out of that house a total of six times as a young adult. Each time, I didn't know if I'd be coming back.....who knows what could happen in the short time you're gone? The first time I moved was when I went off to college shortly after graduating from high school. I was only gone for two semesters....not long at all. But I could have easily have found a husband in that time! But I didn't so it was back home for me!.....
Next I moved out to live with my cousin. She needed a nanny and I needed to get away, so it worked out well for both of us. That only lasted six months or so. Back home again..... Next it was another nanny job. (How does this happen to me?? I really didn't even like kids!) I had been recommended by someone, and after an interview and short visit with the family, I was hired. That was in Palm Deseret. It didn't last but seven months. I got bored of it and besides, I was offered a job at a Thoroughbred farm! Wow! How could I pass THAT up?? I moved straight from Palm Desert to Palm Dale in the heat of the summer! Ugg! I could only hack the heat and hard, six-days-a-week work for ONE month! Back home....AGAIN! After that I moved in with my sister.....once again, to get away. I don't recall that lasting more than just a couple of months before I was back home to that blue house!
My best friend at the time was Michelle. She and her husband had just moved into a house with horse property!! And they had an extra room that they wanted to rent out!! I couldn't resist! It was not too far from home, and it was sure wonderful to have my horse in my back yard and miles of riding behind that! It was great while it lasted, but I decided that I didn't need to spend the money it took to live on my own. There really was no point in it when I could live for free at....HOME! So home is where I went.
Each time I moved out and then back home, I was always welcomed. I never felt the pressure to move out....to "grow up and be on your own". Even though it was never verbalized, I knew I was welcome to stay as long as I needed. I knew I didn't WANT to stay forever....I wanted to get married and have a life! But I always felt like that house was HOME and would always be mine.
It was not long after that last move-in that I met and married Jim. Of course, we lived on our own, out of the parents' house...thank heavens! Shortly after we married, we moved to Washington. We lived there over three years when the feeling hit both of us that we need to be back in California. We were not sure why, but we both were having the tug and so we obeyed. There was no job to go down to, so we moved back into (you guessed it!) the blue house! We lived there one year while Jim found a job and got us up on our feet. We moved out to Highland into an apartment of our own not knowing that that was the last time I would move out of that beloved house.
It was several years after Jim and I had moved back to California that I figured out why we felt the tug to be back. Both of my parents got sick and died within 18 months of each other. I will ever be thankful that we heard the whisperings of the Spirit that told us where we needed to be. Because of that, my kids got to know their grandparents, and we were there during their ordeal to help.....to be there through those last precious years of their lives! I miss them terribly.
I inherited quite a few things from them.....my mom was a collector of fine nick nacks and now many of them are now with me. I do love them. But the house.....the house had to be sold. That wonderful blue house! The couple who bought it were young with a small child. They were very nice to us. They told us that we could come and walk through the house whenever we wanted to....we did it twice. I did love doing that, even though they had changed much about it to suit their tastes.
Several months ago, my sister informs me that it is now in foreclosure. My precious blue house......
Jim and I took a trip to California last month so I could attend a school reunion. I wanted to drive by the house.....maybe even get out and talk to the people for the last time, or take pictures. Funny thing.....I really didn't have any emotions when we sat in front of that still-blue house. I felt like that house was just that.....a house. It wasn't my house any more: it was the bank's house now and soon it would be some stranger's house. I told Jim to just drive away.
I loved that house, yes. But I realized that is was not really the house that I loved....it was the memories that it held that I love---that made it a HOME! You can take the house away, but you can't take away all the years of living and laughing and sorrow and love that existed there. That will stay with me forever.
And that is, by FAR, more precious to me than any blue house EVER will.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Our New House
We moved the end of February. It is now the middle of July. I still get people asking how we like our new house. First of all, sadly, it's not our house....we moved from one rental to another. If it was, then the answer below would be quite different.
When we moved to Oregon 5 years ago, we had a goal to buy a house within a year. It hasn't happened yet. In fact, it won't happen until at least next year. It's not from lack of trying; it's our dang credit that has halted our goal in its tracks! Not only that, but Jim is his own boss, which lenders DO NOT like! With the fact that we own a house in California, and that we've been able to pay $1100 in rent a month for the past 5 years, AND not only did Jim's business survive through this horrible economy but did WELL....you'd think we'd be a good risk for the banks. Nope....our own personal bank won't even give Jim a business credit card. So he has to pay cash for everything that he needs for his jobs (not always easy!).
So, renters we are.....and renters we will stay until we start to make, oh, I don't know....like....$500,000 a year, or something. Actually, I'm not sure WHAT they want from us! We don't even have that much dept: only our house in California and my car. We do owe the dentist some money, but that does not show up on our credit report. It's been a very frustrating venture, to say the least.
ANYWAY! The old house was a nice 2,000 spare foot house that was well taken care of. New kitchen, nice paint and carpets, fenced yard, nice neighborhood. Our master bedroom was HUGE. Central air and heat. Nice window coverings. We liked it. But I have always wanted a large piece of property with room for my animals and a garden and such. I'd like to get a cow or goats or something that will help feed us. In the old house, we totally overflowed the garage with Jim's business and a lot of my animals, and there was no way we were gonna park a car in there! We were even hard pressed to get all our vehicles parked in the driveway.....four cars and Jim's work trailer.
The new house is bigger....about 2500 square feet. It has two garages (one is used as a normal garage. The other is totally Jim's garage for all his tools and business paraphernalia. It's VERY nice to have it all separated), a nice barn (it holds ALL my animals: rabbits, guinea pigs, birds, rats, mice, chickens.) and one more bedroom and bath (the extra bedroom is Jim's office). The dining area, family room and living room are all much bigger than before. It's on an acre of beautiful property that backs up to the river. There's a brand new deck off the back of the house that is a wonderful place to sit and just enjoy the view. There are fruit trees in the back and I can legally shoot my rifle. It fits our life style much better than the old house.
What don't we like? The yard is not fenced (a problem with three outdoor dogs!). The absent fence also means that we can not keep wild critters out to protect all my small animals. We had to fortify the barn so the rabbits would be safe. Everyone on our strip of houses along the river mows their land. No problem except we don't own a rider, only a push mower. The house has not been touched for remodel since it was built, I'm sure. It has old flooring, old cabinets, ugly wall paper and paneling. The plumbing is weird. Every light bulb in the house was a 60 watt or less (had to change them all out so I could see!). The kitchen is small and all the appliances are old and don't work well.....I have to wash all my dishes before I put them in the dishwasher. We finally replaced the vent over the stove because it didn't work well and we needed a microwave, so got a combo. The windows are all old....most of them stick and IF they have a covering, they are old, ugly and broken. Some don't have screens. The only air conditioning is a small window unit upstairs in the Living Room.....it doesn't work all that will, either. Our master bedroom is MUCH smaller. We really don't have room for our dresser and the bed-set blocks one of the closet doors. To top it off, we don't like the property manager and the neighbor is weird, almost scary.
I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. I really am happy I'm here! Things are much easier with the barn and extra bedroom and garage. We'd buy the house in a heartbeat if we could!....it IS for sale! I'm just a little frustrated because I don't want to put any money into improving things when it's not our house....I mean, it does have potential!! If is was our house, I'd be ripping wallpaper off and knockin' out walls!! lol! Maybe next year. The loan broker that we are working with right now said that next year should be much better for us since Jim's work has really picked up in the past two years. All we can do is pray that she is right.....that, and be patient just a little while longer. It's not a matter of IF we will ever qualify for a house....it's when!
(Pictures coming soon!)
When we moved to Oregon 5 years ago, we had a goal to buy a house within a year. It hasn't happened yet. In fact, it won't happen until at least next year. It's not from lack of trying; it's our dang credit that has halted our goal in its tracks! Not only that, but Jim is his own boss, which lenders DO NOT like! With the fact that we own a house in California, and that we've been able to pay $1100 in rent a month for the past 5 years, AND not only did Jim's business survive through this horrible economy but did WELL....you'd think we'd be a good risk for the banks. Nope....our own personal bank won't even give Jim a business credit card. So he has to pay cash for everything that he needs for his jobs (not always easy!).
So, renters we are.....and renters we will stay until we start to make, oh, I don't know....like....$500,000 a year, or something. Actually, I'm not sure WHAT they want from us! We don't even have that much dept: only our house in California and my car. We do owe the dentist some money, but that does not show up on our credit report. It's been a very frustrating venture, to say the least.
ANYWAY! The old house was a nice 2,000 spare foot house that was well taken care of. New kitchen, nice paint and carpets, fenced yard, nice neighborhood. Our master bedroom was HUGE. Central air and heat. Nice window coverings. We liked it. But I have always wanted a large piece of property with room for my animals and a garden and such. I'd like to get a cow or goats or something that will help feed us. In the old house, we totally overflowed the garage with Jim's business and a lot of my animals, and there was no way we were gonna park a car in there! We were even hard pressed to get all our vehicles parked in the driveway.....four cars and Jim's work trailer.
The new house is bigger....about 2500 square feet. It has two garages (one is used as a normal garage. The other is totally Jim's garage for all his tools and business paraphernalia. It's VERY nice to have it all separated), a nice barn (it holds ALL my animals: rabbits, guinea pigs, birds, rats, mice, chickens.) and one more bedroom and bath (the extra bedroom is Jim's office). The dining area, family room and living room are all much bigger than before. It's on an acre of beautiful property that backs up to the river. There's a brand new deck off the back of the house that is a wonderful place to sit and just enjoy the view. There are fruit trees in the back and I can legally shoot my rifle. It fits our life style much better than the old house.
What don't we like? The yard is not fenced (a problem with three outdoor dogs!). The absent fence also means that we can not keep wild critters out to protect all my small animals. We had to fortify the barn so the rabbits would be safe. Everyone on our strip of houses along the river mows their land. No problem except we don't own a rider, only a push mower. The house has not been touched for remodel since it was built, I'm sure. It has old flooring, old cabinets, ugly wall paper and paneling. The plumbing is weird. Every light bulb in the house was a 60 watt or less (had to change them all out so I could see!). The kitchen is small and all the appliances are old and don't work well.....I have to wash all my dishes before I put them in the dishwasher. We finally replaced the vent over the stove because it didn't work well and we needed a microwave, so got a combo. The windows are all old....most of them stick and IF they have a covering, they are old, ugly and broken. Some don't have screens. The only air conditioning is a small window unit upstairs in the Living Room.....it doesn't work all that will, either. Our master bedroom is MUCH smaller. We really don't have room for our dresser and the bed-set blocks one of the closet doors. To top it off, we don't like the property manager and the neighbor is weird, almost scary.
I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. I really am happy I'm here! Things are much easier with the barn and extra bedroom and garage. We'd buy the house in a heartbeat if we could!....it IS for sale! I'm just a little frustrated because I don't want to put any money into improving things when it's not our house....I mean, it does have potential!! If is was our house, I'd be ripping wallpaper off and knockin' out walls!! lol! Maybe next year. The loan broker that we are working with right now said that next year should be much better for us since Jim's work has really picked up in the past two years. All we can do is pray that she is right.....that, and be patient just a little while longer. It's not a matter of IF we will ever qualify for a house....it's when!
(Pictures coming soon!)
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Zzzzzz....
I live with constant tiredness. I can hardly get out of bed in the morning and then I can hardly wait for bed time to come around again. I try to avoid naps....it just makes it that much harder to fall asleep that evening. I must keep active or I'll just end up in bed for a nap because I can hardly keep my eyes open while sitting at the computer or while watching TV or reading a book or, worst of all, driving!
I used to blame my life style:
When I was a teen, I woke very early to attend an early morning bible class called Seminary. I was also very active in school with track, marching band and riding horses. Weekends was spent with friends either at dances or the roller rink or cruising Market St. Sleep was not on the top of my to-do list!
After graduation from high school, I went off to Rick's College in Rexburg, ID. College life certainly did not lend an atmosphere of restfulness. And I was WAY too social to spend my evenings just sitting in the dorm or having a decent bed time. Dancing, chasing boys, playing in the snow, wandering the campus were my normal evening activites--lots of things to do to keep me from dream-land.
After that one year at college, I became very active in the Young Adult groups at my church. Once again, there were lots of activities to occupy my life. Dating was ALWAYS at the top of my list of things to do. Also, I started working a lot and still had a horse or two to keep me busy.
I finally got engaged and married at the ripe old age of 24. Marriage did not help the sleep situation. Being in the same bed with someone--even a KING sized bed--kept me from sleeping well. Every time he moved it woke me. I'm a light sleeper, I concluded. Getting pregnant added a whole new element to sleep. As I got bigger, I got more uncomfortable, thus making sleep harder, and making bathroom runs more frequent.
Having kids totally knocked me off my feet! I was in a dazed condition most all the time. They boys were the worst. Max got up so often at night to eat that I'd fall asleep sitting up in bed with him still nursing. I'd wake up with a kink in my neck from my head falling forward and a sleeping baby on my lap....with a dried line of milk where it had drooled down his cheek from his mouth to his ear.
Austin woke up every night for at least five years for one reason or another: hungry, wet, scared, potty-training, he heard something. I didn't think I would ever sleep through the night again!
I finally came to a time in my life where the kids were older and I thought I really should be sleeping and feeling better, but I never did feel like I was refreshed in the mornings. I still drug around during the days and constantly wanted to just be in bed again. It acured to me that maybe I had something wrong with me. *lightbulb*!
I knew that I snored.....I was informed of that while at girls' camp one year. It was news to me, but I had heard if from several sources....so it must be true. I also found out that I had an abnormal thyroid. Fixing the thyroid problem did not help. So next was a sleep test to find out if the snoring was an indication of sleep apnea. The test came back after a horrible sleep-test experience (that's another blog!). I have severe sleep problems but only a slight case of apnea. huh?? So.....how do we fix this? They don't know! OH! Let's fix her by giving her sleeping pills. After trying different kinds, I find that I do sleep better with Lunesta. But when I went to go get a prescription filled for it, I found out that it's going to cost me over $100 a month..... just so I can sleep better! grrrr. The other problem with the sleeping pills is that you HAVE to be in bed within a half hour of taking them and you have to make sure that you have at least 8 hours in bed to sleep them off. Talk about losing control on your life! Forget it! I'll just deal with the tiredness.
One thing I did change on my own was not sharing a blanket with Jim. He was not happy about it at first, but he's learned to live with it. I did that because I realized that every time he turned over he'd take the blanket with him and it would wake me. It would wake me even more if I had to pull it out from under him to cover myself back up! It has helped a lot since making that change.
I've make up my mind that I'll just have to live like this. I'm sure it's because of my chronic tiredness that I have no motivation for much of anything: housework, exersize, raising kids, being romantic, etc. It stinks, but that's my life. I'll trudge along with forever thoughts of bed and what joy sleep brings.
When I die, and I lose this tired, ol' body, you'll see a new me, I'm sure! I'll be up-beat and energetic. I'll flit from here to there all the time, with endless energy to do whatever I want! I so look forward to that! And I hope you are all there to see it!!!
I used to blame my life style:
When I was a teen, I woke very early to attend an early morning bible class called Seminary. I was also very active in school with track, marching band and riding horses. Weekends was spent with friends either at dances or the roller rink or cruising Market St. Sleep was not on the top of my to-do list!
After graduation from high school, I went off to Rick's College in Rexburg, ID. College life certainly did not lend an atmosphere of restfulness. And I was WAY too social to spend my evenings just sitting in the dorm or having a decent bed time. Dancing, chasing boys, playing in the snow, wandering the campus were my normal evening activites--lots of things to do to keep me from dream-land.
After that one year at college, I became very active in the Young Adult groups at my church. Once again, there were lots of activities to occupy my life. Dating was ALWAYS at the top of my list of things to do. Also, I started working a lot and still had a horse or two to keep me busy.
I finally got engaged and married at the ripe old age of 24. Marriage did not help the sleep situation. Being in the same bed with someone--even a KING sized bed--kept me from sleeping well. Every time he moved it woke me. I'm a light sleeper, I concluded. Getting pregnant added a whole new element to sleep. As I got bigger, I got more uncomfortable, thus making sleep harder, and making bathroom runs more frequent.
Having kids totally knocked me off my feet! I was in a dazed condition most all the time. They boys were the worst. Max got up so often at night to eat that I'd fall asleep sitting up in bed with him still nursing. I'd wake up with a kink in my neck from my head falling forward and a sleeping baby on my lap....with a dried line of milk where it had drooled down his cheek from his mouth to his ear.
Austin woke up every night for at least five years for one reason or another: hungry, wet, scared, potty-training, he heard something. I didn't think I would ever sleep through the night again!
I finally came to a time in my life where the kids were older and I thought I really should be sleeping and feeling better, but I never did feel like I was refreshed in the mornings. I still drug around during the days and constantly wanted to just be in bed again. It acured to me that maybe I had something wrong with me. *lightbulb*!
I knew that I snored.....I was informed of that while at girls' camp one year. It was news to me, but I had heard if from several sources....so it must be true. I also found out that I had an abnormal thyroid. Fixing the thyroid problem did not help. So next was a sleep test to find out if the snoring was an indication of sleep apnea. The test came back after a horrible sleep-test experience (that's another blog!). I have severe sleep problems but only a slight case of apnea. huh?? So.....how do we fix this? They don't know! OH! Let's fix her by giving her sleeping pills. After trying different kinds, I find that I do sleep better with Lunesta. But when I went to go get a prescription filled for it, I found out that it's going to cost me over $100 a month..... just so I can sleep better! grrrr. The other problem with the sleeping pills is that you HAVE to be in bed within a half hour of taking them and you have to make sure that you have at least 8 hours in bed to sleep them off. Talk about losing control on your life! Forget it! I'll just deal with the tiredness.
One thing I did change on my own was not sharing a blanket with Jim. He was not happy about it at first, but he's learned to live with it. I did that because I realized that every time he turned over he'd take the blanket with him and it would wake me. It would wake me even more if I had to pull it out from under him to cover myself back up! It has helped a lot since making that change.
I've make up my mind that I'll just have to live like this. I'm sure it's because of my chronic tiredness that I have no motivation for much of anything: housework, exersize, raising kids, being romantic, etc. It stinks, but that's my life. I'll trudge along with forever thoughts of bed and what joy sleep brings.
When I die, and I lose this tired, ol' body, you'll see a new me, I'm sure! I'll be up-beat and energetic. I'll flit from here to there all the time, with endless energy to do whatever I want! I so look forward to that! And I hope you are all there to see it!!!
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