So, this is the beginning of my very first blog!  I'm not sure how well I'll do keeping it up.  But it's something that I've wanted to do for a while now.  I'm not doing this for anyone but me.  Ok, maybe my posterity if they care.  It will replace any kind of journaling I would have done in a notebook.  I'm always talking to myself....telling myself things that seem important.  Putting my thoughts down in words may have no benifit to anyone, but I think it will make me feel better.  So we'll see how this goes.  If you're reading this, judge me if you must, but I'm pretty solid in my beliefs and feelings.  Sometimes I can be swayed to veiw things at a different angle, but I don't change my mind much on the big issues. 

I think life is great!  I think life sucks!  I think life is a roller coaster that, at times, I wish I could get off of and sometimes I want to do it again.  Sometimes I'd like to quit--run away.  I get so tired of the effort I have to put out that I wonder if it's worth it.  Most of the time, though, I love it and all that it brings!  I have a family that I love very much--not just my husband and children, but my siblings and extended family!  I don't always show it, I know, but I hope they know it!  Aunts, uncles, cousins, neices, nephews!  Love being with them and wish I could be with them more often.  I haven't seen some of my family in so long!  It makes me sad.  Facebook has been a wonderful tool to contact with some of them....but not enough are members and of those who are, they don't post much so I have no idea what's going on with them.  Oh well....I know that not everyone has the time  or intrest that I have for such things.  That's ok....we all have our 'things'!

How can something you love so much also give you so much grief!  Children, for example.....WHY!  I want to hug them and shoot them at the same time!  Jeez!  Talk about playing with your emotions!  I always feel better to just walk away and give it a few hours...and sometimes days!....and then those feelings of wanting to strangle your offspring to death is not so strong.  All I wanted was a cute, huggable person who would just look at me with adoring eyes and have no other goal except to obey because they loved me.  Well....ha!  Surprise for me!  They have their own ideas, own goals, own personality that takes them in a different direction then where I'd like them to go.  I have to remember who's really in control and have faith that He'll guide them when needed. 

Another grief-causer is my animals.  They are so much fun!  But some days are hard!  Cleaning, feeding, watching them die, rain that soaks and ruins so much, heat that forces me to hang misters and set up fans.  It gets so overwhelming sometimes that I wonder if it's worth it.  When I think about selling everything, I get teary.  Man!  What would I do with my time if I didn't have all my beasts to care for?  Maybe I'd actually have the energy to clean house or something useful.  Nope...the animals stay for now.  I foresee a day that I can't have so many.  I mean, I have very little help from anyone, and I'm getting older and my back hurts a lot....don't know how long the body will hold out!  Not that I'm at an age that I can get senior discounts or anything, but old enough that the 50 pound bags of feed is not as easy to lift as it used to be.  *sigh* 

As for this blog, I'll try not to make it too depressing.  I'm not a depressing person!  ....at least I don't think I am.......